“You look so great.” “Wow! Have you lost weight” “You look so much better.”
Here are a few of the standard comments people make when they run into someone in town or see them at a get-together. Typically the first comment someone makes is appearance-related. Some of the comments I got when I was suffering with anorexia were “Wow, have you been working out?” “You are just wasting away.” “I wish I could be so disciplined.”
Please understand that making comments about people’s body, weight and shape is NOT OK! And I have no idea when people decided that it was appropriate to do so? I imagine because we live in such a weight-obsessed culture, people focus on it. People find their worth in their appearance instead of focusing on value-based, positive characteristics.
Next time you see an old friend or family member please try and switch the script and focus on expressing non-appearance based compliments. Here are some examples:
NON-APPEARANCE RELATED COMPLIMENTS
- You are really passionate.
- Your smile lights up the room.
- You have so many interesting things to say.
- Your focus is amazing.
- You are a positive role model.
- I’m proud of your hard work.
- You set really healthy boundaries.
- I enjoy spending time with you.
- Your kindness is infectious.
- You motivate me to be a better person.
RESPONSES TO USE WHEN SOMEONE MAKES AN APPEARANCE- RELATED COMPLIMENT (AND YOU ARE NOT COMFORTABLE WITH IT)
- My weight is the least interesting thing about me.
- We obviously have more important things to talk about.
- I don’t feel uncomfortable with this comment. Please stop.
- (ignore…then) Now tell me about you?
- I focus on how I feel emotionally and spiritually.
- Let’s talk about something that is meaningful.
- I’m going through a very stressful time and I am trying to feel better.
- I’ve noticed I have more energy and feel strong.
Full recovery is possible. Recovery is a verb. It is ongoing.
Serenity Always,
Meredith
