How can a loved one support someone with an eating disorder?

I had a long, personal recovery journey from anorexia. At times, I hid it from my parents and other family members. At times, they could just look into my vapid eyes and tell that I was struggling. And at times they were right by my side helping me to get into treatment because it was a life or death situation.

As a Licensed Clinical Social Worker who specializes in eating disorders treatment I work with families on how they can support their loved one with an eating disorder. Most families mean well, however they are often blindsided and not well-versed in the eating disorders world.

Here is a list of the most important ways to support a loved one with an eating disorder:

• Validate. Validate. Validate. And what I mean by that is to acknowledge their struggle. They will find any excuse to downplay their symptoms and latch on to the idea that they are not sick enough. 
• Read a book(s) to learn more about eating disorders or take a class specifically geared towards family members with a loved one with eating disorder (I recommend Carolyn Costin’s book The Eating Disorder Sourcebook and the online trainings she offers at https://www.carolyn-costin.com/institute)
• Reduce and eventually eliminate any talk about body, weight and shape. Keep your diets to yourself. Don’t comment on how much they are eating. Don’t comment on how much you are eating. Keep your own body shaming behind closed doors.
• Understand that in this diet-obsessed society that morality and food choices have clashed. Food is not a moral issue. Someone is not bad for eating a cookie. Someone is not good for eating an apple. The only time you should feel guilty when you eat is if you shoot the chef! Stop these comments.
• Let them know that you are here for them. In the midst of the chaos surrounding eating disorders try and take some quite time, be present and express that you are here to help.
• Also often people with eating disorders think we can read their minds. We can’t! Ask them to identify specific things that may help on their journey. Maybe driving them to a group is helpful. Maybe a friendly text each day can help them to stay motivated.
• Never tell them to just eat! Never tell them that you wish you had an eating disorder too! Never tell them that they have willpower! Never tell them that it is just a phase! Eating disorders are life threatening psychiatric illnesses and have the highest mortality rate of any mental illness. 
• Understand that those with eating disorders will be on a journey. Recovery does not happen overnight. Don’t give up on them.  

Fully recovery is possible!

Serenity Always,

Meredith