Yesterday I went to a hot 26 yoga class- yes the class where you do the 26 poses in a very hot room!
The last time I was going regularly to yoga I was sick with anorexia. I reveled in the comments from teachers and classmates- “Oh my, you have lost so much weight! I’m so jealous.” I would stare in the mirror mindlessly at my collarbones protruding, ribs popping out, the space growing in between my legs and always wanting more-to lose more weight, to complete more classes, more, more, more… I was unable to accept the present moment and even further from accepting myself and my body.
Now I stared mindfully at my body in the mirror. My breasts were fuller; hips were wider, stomach was curvier and arms were larger. I smiled. “I am beautiful” I thought. Looking back at me was a strong and courageous woman. A brave woman who fought her way back to health from the hell of anorexia. A woman with a beautiful, strong and curvy body. I love my body. I love me.
Anorexia ravaged my mind with self-critical and body-hatred comments. I used to tear apart each of my body parts and look at them with disdain. I was never present. I wanted to be anywhere but the present.
Reframing is a skill to use to recover from anorexia and other eating disorders. In reframing you take a negative or self-critical thought and you rearrange it into a more neutral or positive thought. Here are some examples from my recovery:
NEGATIVE THOUGHT REFRAMING THOUGHT
My stomach is fat My stomach is curvy and beautiful
I am fat and gross I am kind and caring
I am worthless My nephews think that I am a great aunt
My body is disgusting My body is strong
I am weak I am a fighter
Practicing alternative or more balanced thinking is critical to re-wire your brain and how it thinks. I challenge you to talk back to one of your self-critical thoughts today. And then do it again tomorrow. It may be difficult, but it is so worth it! We can recover one day at a time.
Serenity Always,
Meredith
